The Wasteland That is Bruice Canyon

Aaaaand it looks like best friendships have already been formed and broken. Interestingly, the two former best friends happen to be NOT married to each other and, from looking at the relationships panel, I've seen that nobody is friends with anyone anymore. What fun.






Oh wait. It looks like the best friendship has been traded for something a little less platonic, at least on Akano's part. Your wife is right over there, dude.







The first of what is to be many, MANY "congratulations for being you."

Also, this was taken back before I realized that I could turn ceilings on. Or before I learned how to use the "tab" camera.

Yeah....






The paperboy stares idly and Toanak looks vaguely threatening.
Are you going to take that from a guy with girly hair, Alon Livingston?
....
I thought so.





That's a pillow in Hakun's hand, by the way. He and his mother have decided that, rather than checking out the new home in their underwear like her in-laws, they will choose to batter one another with sleeping implements instead. Good times.





Akano tries desperately to like his wife's cooking, but the face don't lie.




 

Kaya reads a trashy romance novel. Which one? I dunno, pick something off the shelves in Walmart.

And by the way, what's up with all of those Amish romances? Seriously, I cannot figure this out. What is the target demographic there?






She was congratulating him on the loss of his one and only best friend, which happened to be herself.

I'd really like to know what happened before they all moved into the lot.






Part the Second: In Which Kaya Blows Chunks.






*hurrrrrff*





Well, that's just disgusting, Kaya. But on the plus side, it looks like we have a new family member on the way!






Downstairs in the kitchen/dining area, Samaya and Hakun exchange a family hug.






and Hakun proceeds to stare at his mom's boobs.

That's nice, isn't it?






Samaya then decides that wasting food is next to being Satan, so she consumes the open-face cheese sandwich that was left out overnight.





Hakun is understandably concerned.

"Hey, Mom?"

"Yes, dear?"

"... That sandwich looks kinda old."

"Waste not, want not, Hakun."






"Boy! That hits the spot! I'm glad I didn't just throw out this perfectly good-"




"Oh. Oh Jesus."







"Fuckin' wizards, man."






"I'm serious!. There is undeniable evidence out there that wizards are responsible for the collapse of the housing bubble."

Undeniable, you say?





Puking redux - this time with food poisoning!

Hakun walks across the sands of their desert home while his dad and his aunt converse eagerly.

Hmmm...  Trouble brewing?





Hakun: *admires his aunt, walls be damned*

Brilliant. You've been here less than one day and you're crushing on your aunt, well done.






D'awwwww.






Toanak puts on an impromptu and (unsurprisingly) terrible concert for Samaya. Their son is sound asleep not five feet away.

How does he do it? Mods, that's how.






"FREEEE AS A BIIIIRRRD"






Kaya is not pleased with the state of her bowels.

Eat some of the oatmeal that Samaya keeps making, woman.






You're already pregnant! I don't want twins!

Biology Fail





Oddly, the only thing I seem to be able to look at is their food.

What is that? It's like... grits with jam. Or oatmeal with jam.

Jam?







It's like nobody around here has any manners except Mr. Perfectpants.







The tribe has been having trouble with someone knocking over their trash can when everyone is asleep. This time, however, it's broad daylight and the only one around is... this old guy.






Pffft. Look at that face.






LOOK AT IT.






I don't believe I've ever seen someone relax so seriously. Long day at work?

Toanak: "I took a sick day."

But you're not sick.

Toanak: "The campaign will carry on without me, I'm sure."

He has an entry-level job in Politics because he's already been fired from the Medicine career. Looks like that  was a blessing in disguise.







Hakun daydreams after school. Because it's not like he has homework or anything.






Nobody should look that happy when they're thinking about their dad, Hakun.






... I'm starting to see a disturbing trend here.






"MY AUNT SENSES ARE TINGLING"







"MY OWN NEPHEW!"






"WHY, HAKUN?"

I should point out that they're not actually blood related - her husband Akano is Toanak's brother, so it's relation by marriage. This means that the game doesn't recognize them as family and, as such, I fear this relationship going much further than it has any right to.






It's like they all decided to play the staring game.






Akano: *sees Samaya sleeping*
No, Akano, your bed is in the other room.







GODDAMMIT






I swear, he's like a non-vampire Edward Cullen or something.

"Oh hey, I watch you while you sleep. Good job on not embarrassing yourself in your state of unconsciousness!"







She looks equal parts happy and shocked. What did she think was going to happen?






Apparently not this.







Go ahead, judge me. I decided to speed things up because I was sick of Kaya complaining at me every five minutes for her petty little needs.

As such, Floating Akano is courtesy of the Inteenimator.







Akano: "Oh god, get boiling water!"
Samaya: "You... you know why they say that, right?"

The man is in an entry-level position in the Medical career and it looks like he'll be there for a while with this lack of general common sense, let alone any kind of professional knowledge.






Okay, I know some guys do the whole "my wife is so hot when she's pregnant" thing but this... is a bit much.

She's in labor for god's sake.







Oh look, it's a little girl. I've named her Mashala.

I hope nobody is under the pretense that I know a damned thing about any kind of native culture because I'm really just making this all up as I go.

Sorry to burst your presumptuous bubble.






"BAAAAAABY....."

Give her some space, you incestuous nincompoops.






Kaya hands Baby Mashala off to her cousin Hakun, because it would be unthinkable for any adult in this family to show some kind of responsibility.

Kaya looks ready to slap either herself or Akano, but Hakun is enjoying meeting his new cousin and that's all that matters. Domestic violence be damned.

Aaaaand that's the start of the Noahim Tribe, but that's all for now. I have things to work on that, unfortunately, don't include the Sims.

I know. POOR ME.